


I can’t look at the stars, they make me wonder where you are

by Tilperiel



Series: Silver & Gold [5]
Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Back to Middle-Earth Month, Back to Middle-Earth Month 2019, Character Study, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-15 01:09:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18063683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tilperiel/pseuds/Tilperiel
Summary: Those that were joined are now sundered, but their union remains.Written for B2MeM bingo, Day 10Card #179: N39





	I can’t look at the stars, they make me wonder where you are

I feel it, the moment it happens. A small thing. A tiny change that means nothing, here, in these lands and yet means _everything_. My sword falls limply from my hand and clatters to the floor and I loose my footing. My opponent pulls their blow just in time and terrible injury is averted. Narrowly. I stagger back and stall, a hand presses to my chest and a voice in my ear asks if I’m alright. A flurry of activity, a concerned swell of noise and I hear myself from a distance. _Yes. Yes, just- I need-_

I flee.

Rain hits my face and I keep my head low, seeking not for the rooms afforded to me in the palace on the hill, but somewhere I won’t be overlooked and find myself stumbling blindly into a shallow cave in the cove below.

Always the sea. Vast and black, night coming quickly in these colder months. Wider than ever and all I ever knew beneath it and across it. I squeeze my eyes shut and fall to my knees, unseen, on the sand.

Tears fall and I cry bitterly. A lament for what is lost and I rail against the injustice. Not for the first time and it won’t be the last. I don’t fool myself. The separation that at this moment is all the sharper- but I can’t say that it’s all sorrow. The change in an instant from death to life, felt so subtly but I know it, innately, for what it is. Long years spent gaining greater command of my own spirit and of course that only means I know yours too. Bound together; I have forgotten what it feels like to be any other way. 

What was cold and distant now feels lighter; a sharp flare that sparked bright through my being and took breath from my lungs. And I am glad, for I know that you are healed and will know joy once more even though my heart aches. For who can say how long it will be before we will meet once again?

I wipe my face and look out to the West. The sea is calm and the skies are clear now with bright stars shining down and I look upon them, pick out the constellations. I smile through my tears, knowing they shine on you also. 

* * *

Long years have passed since then and now. Times of war and times of peace. Many are the deeds that have been recorded and many more still will be lost to the annals of time, although not forgotten by the Eldar. 

Celebrations and joyous laughter and bright, brilliant colours fill the skies, such as the like has never been seen before. Explosions of sound and light and I look up and watch with wonder, then catch the eye of my dear friend who has brought them to us, amusement in his expression. I look across and to the baby in her mother’s arms, new life and new hope for us all. I feel the future sits on her brow, although I will stay my tongue. 

A longing to share this moment, to have you join the happiness and see your smile fills my heart and I catch myself. I hold my breath and close my eyes. I let myself have this. It’s not a weakness to love but a great strength that I draw upon, have used to make me who I am. I will tell you this, one day. I hope you will be proud.

Another burst of sound and I’m brought back. I look up and the sparkles of red and green fade and leave behind the glittering raiment across the sky and I smile. The same stars and the same patterns that shine down upon you too. We are under the same sky, parted and yet not and each time I look up, I wonder where you might be.

**Author's Note:**

> I made myself cry, I'm sorry.


End file.
